If you hear “perception is reality” you’re probably being screwed

I was once told in a performance review that “perception is reality.” I was infuriated, and the words stuck in my mind as the most toxic thing a manager could say to an employee. I have avoided writing about it, but the “This American Life” episode about Carmen Segarra’s recordings at the Fed has inspired me to change my mind. Here’s the relevant section, emphasis mine:

Jake Bernstein: Carmen says this wasn’t an isolated incident. In December– not even two months into her job– a business line specialist came to Carmen and told her that her minutes from a key meeting with Goldman executives were wrong, that people didn’t say some of the things Carmen noted in the minutes. The business line specialists wanted her to change them. Carmen didn’t.

That same day, Carmen was called into the office of a guy named Mike Silva. Silva had worked at the Fed for almost 20 years. He was now the senior Fed official stationed inside Goldman. What Mike Silva said to Carmen made her very uncomfortable. She scribbled notes as he talked to her.

Carmen Segarra: I mean, even looking at my own meeting minutes, I see that the handwriting is like nervous handwriting. It’s like you can tell. He started off by talking about he wanted to give me some mentoring feedback. And then he started talking about the importance of credibility. And he said, you know, credibility at the Fed is about subtleties and about perceptions as opposed to reality.

Well shit, if that doesn’t sound familiar. Here I was, doing work that was by all measures extremely successful, yet pulled into a feedback meeting to be told “perception is reality.”

Let me tell you what “perception is reality” means, and why you should plan on leaving your job the moment you hear it:

The arbitrary opinions of your manager’s manager defines your situation. And they don’t like what you’re doing.

Your manager may be well-meaning (mine was, as was Mike Silva), but at the point you get this “perception is reality” bullshit, you can be sure there’s nothing that they are going to do to help you. Someone above them has taken notice, your manager has probably heard hours of complaints, and you can either shut up or get out. Perception isn’t reality everywhere; it is only the mantra in sick organizations totally removed from reality.